![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
artanisiaOkay, whoa, this is difficult.
See, more than two years ago, when I hit rock bottom with my depression I more or less absenteed (is that a word?) myself from all those friends who hadn't already dropped me like a hot potato "because I wasn't fun to be around anymore."
I crawled into that tiny dark place inside myself and didn't want to get dragged out by anyone. I felt dead to myself, and to the world in general. Nothing I did, or experienced triggered any real reaction anymore. No fun, no joy, no anger. All those things I had enjoyed and about which I had been so passionate? Blah. Let the world end. I don't care.
I am so glad that lies behind me. Thankful that there were doctors and social workers who took what was left of me and put it together again with medication and therapy. I am still not my old self again. But the me I am today can be enthusiastic again. Can experience joy again. I still have spells of despair but I know how to handle them, and I know that they will go away.
One thing my former self was all over was fandom. Something I thought was lost to me, because no matter how good I felt again, I wasn't able to muster the amount of enthusiasm necessary to delve into a fandom. Until now.
I don't just like this silly game a lot, I am bursting at the seams with ideas for fanfiction. I am squeeing when I read the well written fiction of others, or see what great art they create. And for me, that is a great, honking, big deal. I have reclaimed another shard of myself. Maybe, one day in the future, I will be whole again.
See, more than two years ago, when I hit rock bottom with my depression I more or less absenteed (is that a word?) myself from all those friends who hadn't already dropped me like a hot potato "because I wasn't fun to be around anymore."
I crawled into that tiny dark place inside myself and didn't want to get dragged out by anyone. I felt dead to myself, and to the world in general. Nothing I did, or experienced triggered any real reaction anymore. No fun, no joy, no anger. All those things I had enjoyed and about which I had been so passionate? Blah. Let the world end. I don't care.
I am so glad that lies behind me. Thankful that there were doctors and social workers who took what was left of me and put it together again with medication and therapy. I am still not my old self again. But the me I am today can be enthusiastic again. Can experience joy again. I still have spells of despair but I know how to handle them, and I know that they will go away.
One thing my former self was all over was fandom. Something I thought was lost to me, because no matter how good I felt again, I wasn't able to muster the amount of enthusiasm necessary to delve into a fandom. Until now.
I don't just like this silly game a lot, I am bursting at the seams with ideas for fanfiction. I am squeeing when I read the well written fiction of others, or see what great art they create. And for me, that is a great, honking, big deal. I have reclaimed another shard of myself. Maybe, one day in the future, I will be whole again.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 09:31 pm (UTC)*points to icon* The Arishok did it! *gnihihi*
He, is allein die Schuld von ner Arbeitskollegin, die mich das Spiel an ihrem heimischen Rechner hat ausprobieren lassen. Danach bin ich wie ein geölter Blitz in die Stadt gedüst und hab mir das Spiel selbst zugelegt. Und erst mal so 30 Stunden nonstop durchgezockt... *tra-la-la*